Fluky Wisdom

I set my things up for tomorrow’s university. Gym clothes, a pair of fresh clothes post gym, meal preparation, bags, water bottles—so that I don’t have to rush my morning. Intention, motivation—everything was clear. I played with Mihira for a while with all the gifts she got for her birthday, and in about five minutes, we were about to sleep. It was 9.20 PM. Until then, Mihira was calmly sitting on the bed and playing with clay. Suddenly, she fell back and did a reverse somersault. Even before we realized, she fell to the ground on her face. The thud was very sharp, and I got so scared. She hurt her forehead and bit her tongue and started bleeding in the mouth. What followed next was an hour of rush at home—to give her ice, sugar, and apply cream on her forehead bump. She cried frantically, and surely she hit her head hard. Then slowly, she slept off. But we couldn’t, for a long time. My thoughts were scattered in different lines. I wanted to make sure that she was okay. I took half-da...

I pushed my adulthood for a very long time—longer than a normal adult—in the name of a Ph.D. I had the privilege of being a student, receiving a stipend, and managing life with it. The beauty of being a student is that you are a student and still have time for a hundred different things. I was performing, teaching, sitting and ruminating, lamenting, soaking in all my emotions a hundred percent. When I reflect back on that phase of my life, I say to myself—wow, what a luxury. Even after joining a job and getting married, I could retain some part of that life. But life really began to run when my daughter was born. And once she became a toddler, I became a hundred percent someone who could not afford not to juggle a hundred things—less sleep, more cortisol. For someone who hadn’t done this for a very, very long time—for thirty-odd years—this felt like something was lit under my bum and I was forced to run. I did not like the rush. I like my laid-back coffee/tea mornings. Alas! I am n...