It has been quite some time since I last had the chance to pen down my thoughts. Even after several sleepless nights with Mihira, my beloved baby, amidst the hectic whirlwind of university work and choreography commitments, along with looming deadlines, an unusual serenity blankets my mind today. Perhaps it's the soft drizzle outside, combined with the earthy smell of rain, that has brought me a sense of peace. However, I suspect it's more than just the weather; it's the satisfaction of having met a crucial deadline yesterday. Productivity brings a unique sense of fulfillment. On that happy note, I dusted off my blog today with the intention of finally writing about an experience I've long wanted to share. My experience of nurturing and feeding my child. Where and how should I begin?
It all began with uncertainty, fear, and a profound lack of preparation. I simply followed my baby's cues, heeded the doctor's guidance, and listened to the wisdom of my elders. Mihira latched onto me effortlessly upon her arrival, although it came with a sharp, unexpected pain. In those initial days, each time Mihira latched, a mixture of yells and laughter would fill the air. I adored her cute determination to latch onto me as if it were the most crucial thing in her world. And, indeed, it was the most vital matter for her. The concept of nurturing this tiny little child felt captivating and almost surreal. How did this newborn, this tiny creature, instinctively know how to latch so perfectly? And how could the supply begin immediately as soon as the child was born? It truly underscored the perfection of God's creation. Experiencing the functionality of breasts can completely transform one's perspective, removing the taboos and sexual connotations often associated with them. It's like undergoing a 180-degree shift in perception.
However, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows in the beginning. While I adored nurturing Mihira, the midnight wake-ups and extended feeding sessions left me feeling drained. It wasn't until I started feeding her in the side-lying position that things became more manageable. However, the long hours of solitude during those feedings weighed on me heavily. Gradually, postpartum depression cast a shadow over my emotions. I couldn't quite pinpoint why, but I found it difficult to experience happiness. Despite the loving care from those around me, a persistent sadness lingered without a clear cause. I did everything by the book, but I just couldn't feel the euphoria often associated with childbirth, even though I loved my baby immensely. While my family had the best intentions to assist me, they couldn't fully comprehend the depth of my feelings. It was my friends and fellow mommies who truly helped me manage the situation more effectively. I recall some of my friends, even those not particularly close, sending me thoughtful messages, urging me to take care of myself as they understood how overwhelming motherhood could be. I'm immensely grateful for their considerate suggestions.
I was ready to seek help if this persisted. Fortunately, the sadness began to fade after three months. While occasional waves of anxiety still wash over me due to the demanding schedules and constant attention required by my daughter, I've found ways to manage them. Over time, my feeding sessions with Mihira transformed into enjoyable moments. She would play with me, flash mischievous smiles, and sometimes, in a rather endearing manner, close her eyes and search for the latch like a little explorer. Each session became a cherished blessing, both for her and for me.😊
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| When we finally reunite three days after Paris trip |
Two crucial factors that determined our milk supply were a stress-free environment and ample sleep. I made it a priority to get as much rest as possible, and I was fortunate not to face any pressure from both my mother and mother-in-law regarding strict adherence to exclusive breastfeeding. There were no questions raised about whether the supply was sufficient or not. My intention was always to exclusively breastfeed, and my daughter rejected formula every time we attempted it. It was an organic process, guided by her cues of hunger. I didn't establish fixed feeding schedules, such as every two hours; instead, I fed her whenever she cried, and she consistently thrived.
I ate nutritious meals and even tried some supplements to boost my supply. The only regret I have in this entire journey is not learning how to pump effectively. During my six months at home, I managed to provide direct feeds. However, once I returned to work, it became challenging. Initially, I bought a manual pump, and later, I invested in an electric one, which proved to be more efficient. Inspirational mommy pages like Storieswithshraddha gave me the confidence that pumping and improving supply could happen at any stage. While I may not have pumped as effectively as others, I did what I could.
An opportunity arose for me to perform in Paris during the sixth month, and for three days, I brought my pump along to Paris. I pumped and, reluctantly, had to discard some of the liquid gold (though I know it's painful to do so). It was an exhausting experience, having to pump in the green room washroom while fully dressed in costume and makeup, especially when your name is about to be called on an international stage. But it was worth every bit of effort because, once again, the joy of nurturing my daughter with this liquid gold was the most extraordinary feeling in the world. I had never experienced this depth of love before. Even at work, I began the routine of pumping, storing some milk, and reluctantly discarding some to maintain my supply. Thankfully, my daughter gradually got accustomed to formula, particularly after my Paris trip. While I initially stressed about not being able to exclusively breastfeed, I eventually chose to relish and appreciate whatever I could provide. Mihira is about to complete her eighth month on the 26th, and things have been going well thus far. She recently started on solids, adding another dimension to her diet.
I'm uncertain how long I can continue breastfeeding given the demands of my dance and work schedules, but I'll go on for as long as I can. I'm not eager for this phase to end at all, and I know that the day I finally wean her, I'll be overcome with countless emotions. The connection I've formed with Mihira during our nursing sessions feels almost divine, and I lack the words to adequately describe the experience.
For those with new mothers in their homes, I urge you to listen to them as much as possible. Comfort their hearts and minds. Never question their decisions because they've likely considered all possibilities, both good and bad, including your suggestions. To all dear mothers out there, whether you breastfeed or use formula, please know that your babies will continue to love you without reservation. Therefore, don't stress excessively about this. Invest in a good pump, consider consulting a lactation specialist (which I couldn't do), and do the best you can. This is an experience that will stay with you for life, and I never anticipated it would be this profoundly beautiful. 😊💕
"I make milk. What's your super power?"
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